Her Secret War Read online

‘That would have been a shame, for sure,’ she replied, glancing at the clock above the bar and wishing time would speed up.

  ‘You’re lovely, Sarah. I’m so glad you agreed to meet me tonight.’ He was so close she could feel his breath. Then he kissed her on the cheek.

  ‘Hey!’ Sarah pulled away. ‘Steady on, Rob.’

  His eyes widened. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.’ He glanced down at her empty glass. ‘Are you ready for another?’ he asked, his voice cracking and his cheeks flaring red.

  ‘Yes, please.’ Sarah sat back with relief as he wandered over to the bar. He stood glaring at the barman who was serving another customer.

  ‘Can’t you hurry up there, mate? I don’t have all night,’ Rob snapped.

  Horrified, Sarah cringed. Why was he being rude to the poor man? Was it a reaction to her rebuffing him? At that moment, she knew it would not work between them. His overt attempts at intimacy left her cold, which made little sense since he was a handsome young man. Sarah thought back to the first time she saw him in Winchester. She had been instantly attracted to him. It went to show how wrong those first impressions could be; and if the spark wasn’t there, you couldn’t force it. Yet it was more than that; something wasn’t right about the way he was behaving. She could not understand why someone like Rob, who surely never would have a problem finding a girl with his looks, was acting in such a forced manner. His behaviour smacked of desperation and it was off-putting. No wonder his history with the ladies was so poor.

  To her relief, when he returned with the drinks, he sat a little further away. He had taken the hint. The conversation turned to work colleagues and Supermarine for a while before he asked again about the political situation in Ireland. Sarah was thankful, an hour later, when Rob suggested he walk her home. They parted at her door, with Rob giving her a peck on the cheek before heading off for his bus back to Winchester. Sarah watched him walk away, mystified by his behaviour, and unsettled by his comments about Irish politics. Every time she had attempted to turn the conversation and asked about his interests and family, he had prevaricated. He had kept probing her, obsessed by the notion that the Irish would side with Germany.

  Well, no matter. Sarah was certain of one thing; she was determined not to repeat that experience any time soon.

  12

  29th September 1941, Hursley Park

  As Sarah sat down for lunch the following Monday, she was immediately bombarded with questions by Gladys and Ruth, dying to know how her night out with Rob had gone. The increasingly bad weather had forced the girls to have their lunch indoors. Once she was sure Rob or any of his colleagues weren’t in the vicinity, she broke the news that she wouldn’t be seeing him again.

  ‘Really?’ Ruth asked. ‘But he’s so nice! And goodness me, he’s a handsome lad. Everyone says so. What’s wrong with him?’

  Was that annoyance Sarah detected in Ruth’s tone? Why would Ruth be annoyed with her for not liking Rob? Sarah found her attitude bizarre. ‘Yes, he’s good-looking, but I just didn’t feel comfortable with him,’ Sarah answered, exchanging a bemused glance with Gladys.

  ‘Why ever not?’ Ruth continued to glare at her.

  Sarah sighed and put down her cup of tea. ‘He was more interested in politics than me. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being interested in such things, it’s just that I do not wish to spend a date discussing political affairs, and the decisions of governments in far-off lands.’

  ‘I agree. Very boring stuff, on the whole,’ piped up Gladys. A dreamy expression came into her eyes. ‘Though, if Cary Grant wanted to talk about international affairs, I’d probably put up with it. I’d just stare into those wonderful eyes and nod every so often.’

  ‘Yes, thank you, Gladys,’ Sarah ground out. ‘The truth of the matter, Ruth, is that there wasn’t any spark between us. I don’t see any point in encouraging him if I don’t see a future in it.’

  ‘That’s happened to me, too,’ Gladys remarked, between mouthfuls. ‘Not the politics thing: I mean lack of a connection. Looks can’t make up for lack of personality, Ruth, you have to admit.’

  ‘Rob has plenty of personality. He was just nervous,’ Ruth replied. ‘You should give him another chance.’

  ‘For goodness’ sake, Ruth, let the girl choose for herself. If she doesn’t like him, she doesn’t like him!’ Gladys turned to Sarah. ‘Ruth thinks a girl can only be happy if she has a fella in tow.’

  ‘That’s not true!’ Ruth exclaimed.

  Gladys ignored her. ‘Don’t mind her, Sarah; she’s grumpy today. Martin hasn’t asked her to the dance.’

  ‘Yet!’ Ruth pouted.

  ‘Is that the dance advertised on the poster over there?’ Sarah asked, looking towards the social club notice board.

  ‘Yep, this Saturday in the old Entertainment Hall at the back of the stables. They’re usually a good laugh. You’re bound to find a replacement for Rob at it.’

  Ruth rolled her eyes skywards. ‘Nonsense!’

  Gladys smothered a grin and elbowed Sarah. ‘If only we were near an RAF base. Something very dreamy about those RAF uniforms, don’t you think?’ Sarah smiled back at her. She had recently told Gladys in confidence about Paul. It had felt so good to be able to talk about him to someone. Gladys had been sympathetic and understood her feelings of guilt. She hadn’t insulted her with platitudes but had called her an idiot, which was well deserved, and had laughed that she would probably have behaved in the same impulsive way.

  ‘They are feckless daredevils, if you ask me,’ remarked Ruth with a huff. ‘I’d stay well clear if I were you, Sarah.’

  ‘One of my closest friends has just joined the RAF, and I can assure you he is one of the most honourable men you could meet,’ Sarah snapped.

  Ruth had the good grace to blush.

  ‘Ha! I see you don’t warn me off, Ruth,’ Gladys said with a wink at Sarah. ‘And I thought we were pals. Goes to show how wrong you can be about someone, Sarah, eh?’

  Ruth quirked her mouth and hissed. ‘I have been acquainted with you long enough to know you can look after yourself.’

  Gladys burst out laughing.

  Sarah hid her growing irritation with Ruth by looking at her watch. ‘I think it’s time to return to work, don’t you?’ Not waiting for a reply, she hopped up and made her way back to the Tracing Room, her mind already on the substantial pile of drawings awaiting her attention.

  ‘Well! Would you look at those two lovebirds,’ Gladys said to Sarah a few days later, throwing an amused glance over to the table where Martin and Ruth were having their lunch. ‘All’s well again in paradise!’

  ‘He asked her to the dance on Saturday then?’

  Gladys grinned. ‘Yes, thank God. Didn’t he tell you? I thought you two were as thick as thieves.’

  ‘We don’t tell each other everything. In fact, he never mentions her to me, but that’s because he knows we are friends and workmates, I suppose. It could be awkward.’

  ‘Perhaps. Anyway, she was all aflutter on the bus home yesterday and didn’t shut up about him all evening. Sorry, I know he’s your cousin and he’s a pet but …‍’

  Sarah grinned back at her. ‘Enough said. And what about you? Do you have a date lined up for Saturday?’

  Gladys winked at her. ‘I’m working on it, never fear. And even if my plans don’t bear fruit, I shall find someone on the night. There’s usually a good mixture of lads. It’s not just Supermariners who turn up. There will be lads from all the villages.’

  Sarah finished her tea and sat back. ‘I’m looking forward to it. The last time I was dancing was …’ the night of the bombing, she thought, ‘… a while ago. Do you think Rob will be there? I was hoping to avoid him.’

  Gladys’s eyes lit up with mischief. ‘Ooh, yes, that will be tricky for you. The scorned lover shadowing your every move, standing in the corner all alone, nursing a pint.’

  Sarah spluttered. ‘You should join the dramatic society.’

  ‘W
hy aren’t you taking me seriously? Poor lad must be heartbroken. You must be very cold-hearted if you think you can ignore his anguished sighs and forlorn glances. A quid says you’ll feel sorry for him and give in.’

  ‘Stop! Don’t say things like that.’ Sarah’s heart sank at the thought she might not be in jest.

  Gladys smirked. ‘I’m afraid he usually does attend, but I thought you intended to put him straight as soon as possible. Didn’t I see you talking to him on the way out yesterday evening? It didn’t look like a cosy chat. He was on our bus home, but he didn’t say a word to anyone, which isn’t like him.’

  ‘Don’t! I feel awful. You’re right; he didn’t take it very well. In fact, he was astonished. But what else could I do? I had to be honest with him.’

  ‘Of course you did, but how conceited of him. You do know that Ruth went out with him a while back?’

  ‘What? No, she never mentioned that to me.’ Sarah stared across at her friend. ‘Why didn’t you warn me?’

  Gladys looked surprised. ‘It didn’t seem important. Sorry, I thought you knew already.’

  ‘How could I? Bother! Was I stepping on her toes do you think?’ Sarah frowned across at her friend. ‘But, why then was she so encouraging and so upset when I told you both I wouldn’t see him again?’

  ‘No idea. Ruth is a mystery to me most of the time,’ Gladys replied, picking up her sandwich and finishing it in one bite. ‘I’ve stopped trying to figure her out.’

  ‘Why did they break up?’

  ‘It was before we shared the flat in Winchester, so I don’t know the ins and outs of it. Rob has walked out with a few of the girls but it never seems to last long. They must have parted on good terms though for Ruth to be ok with you going out with him.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ Sarah said. ‘But it is odd.’

  Gladys shrugged. ‘Ruth is odd. Anyway, plenty more fish in the old pond for you to hook.’

  Sarah gasped, trying not to laugh. ‘You have a very blunt way of putting it.’

  ‘I don’t stand on ceremony, Sarah. You’ll soon discover that about me. I speak as I find.’

  ‘I much prefer that, Gladys.’

  Gladys’s expression became serious. ‘Life hasn’t always been easy for me. As a result, I don’t put up with nonsense from the likes of Ruth. Getting the job here at Supermarine was a blessing. This bloody war has been a godsend, if I’m honest.’

  ‘How so?’

  ‘When I was fifteen, I had to leave home and find work as my dad was ill and couldn’t support us. He was injured in the last war and came home a broken man. He was bedridden and struggling to breathe for most of my childhood.’

  ‘That’s awful,’ Sarah said. ‘Is he still alive?’

  ‘Yes, if you can call it that. But it was hardest for my mother with four of us little ones. She had to take in washing just to put food on the table. Once we were old enough, we had to move on. I wasn’t a great one for schooling, so I didn’t have much choice when it came to finding jobs. I did shop work in Southampton, mostly. When the war broke out, I spotted a job going at the works in Woolston. I couldn’t believe my luck when they took me on as I had no experience. Miss Sugden trained me up, you know. It’s been a life-changing experience, Sarah, working here. I have decent money for the first time in my life and I can even send some home to my mother.’

  ‘I’m sorry. It sounds like you had a rough time.’ Sarah suspected Gladys wasn’t telling her the half of it.

  ‘It wasn’t easy living hand to mouth. Much like you, I’ve seen the rotten cards life can deal you. But surviving makes you stronger, doesn’t it?’

  Sarah nodded and sighed. ‘This war is shaping both of our lives.’

  ‘And for the better. I’ve no intention of tasting poverty again. I intend to live life to the full!’

  ‘Not a bad philosophy, Gladys,’ Sarah said with a sad smile. ‘If I have learned one thing, it is that life can be very short.’

  ‘To making the most of it,’ Gladys said, lifting her teacup in a toast. They clinked cups and Gladys laughed. ‘And to fishing in that great big pond on Saturday night!’

  13

  4th October 1941, Southend House, Hursley Park

  Sarah heard the opening bars of ‘In the Mood’ as they walked up the path towards the stable block. It was Saturday evening and she was determined to enjoy the dance. With a grin, she turned to Martin. ‘I love that song. The band sounds great.’

  ‘Why so surprised? We have only the best here, madam; not bad for the middle of nowhere, eh? And, if we hurry, we might get to dance to some of it too,’ he replied, increasing his pace, tugging her along by the hand.

  The hall was jam-packed, and Sarah stalled at the entrance. Martin threw her a questioning glance. The sudden overwhelming fear was irrational, she knew, but she was determined to fight it. Once she was aware of where the exits were, she would be fine. A quick scan of the hall and she relaxed.

  ‘Ok?’ Martin asked.

  She forced an answering smile and Martin pushed forward through the crowd, not stopping even when his mates tried to hold him up. Sarah let herself be pulled along. She had to smile: Martin’s enthusiasm was infectious. Not that Sarah needed any encouragement, for she adored dancing; always had. He found a space among the dancers and launched into the dance with gusto, swinging her around until she was almost doubled up with laughter. Within minutes, all traces of fear had vanished. Faces flashed past in a blur. All too soon, the music ended with an appreciative roar from the crowd.

  ‘I need a drink, Martin!’ Sarah gasped.

  ‘Right-ho!’ he said with a wink, leading the way to the side of the room, where there was a makeshift refreshment table set up. Martin queried what was on offer from the young man behind the table. ‘I’m afraid the only alcohol is rather warm beer or some kind of punch,’ Martin informed Sarah with a grimace.

  ‘What do you recommend?’ she asked. But Martin was frowning over her shoulder and didn’t respond. ‘What is it?’ Sarah followed his gaze. Ruth was in deep conversation with Rob McArthur near the doorway. What could they have to talk about? she wondered. There didn’t appear to be any ex-lover awkwardness, but it looked odd. All of a sudden, both of them turned and looked in her direction. Sarah turned away, and her heart sank. She had hoped to avoid Rob – she still felt embarrassed about their date. Martin continued to scowl at the pair, and Sarah had to nudge him to get his attention. ‘Punch, please, cousin, or I shall expire.’

  ‘Sure,’ he replied. ‘Two punch, there’s a good man,’ Martin ordered. He then looked across the room and glowered. ‘Your friend Rob is up to mischief over there.’

  ‘You know they dated for a while?’ she asked. Martin nodded. ‘And by the way, he’s not my friend, as well you know.’

  ‘Then why was he asking me about you again in the pub last night?’ Martin replied.

  ‘You never said.’ The knowledge only made her more determined to avoid Rob. There had been no spark between them; it would never work. These things could not be forced.

  Martin shrugged, still looking put out. ‘I only remembered now. If he turns his attention back to Ruth, I’ll blame you.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. Go over and rescue Ruth: she’ll be delighted. I’ve just spotted Gladys over there. I’m going to join her.’ With a harrumph, Martin handed her the punch and left her side to push his way through the crowd.

  Gladys waved across the room and Sarah made her way over to her, trying to protect her drink.

  ‘What a crush!’ Gladys said after giving her a quick hug. ‘Have you been here long?’

  ‘Not long at all.’ The band started up again and Sarah had to raise her voice. ‘Martin has just gone to find Ruth.’ Gladys nodded and they made for a couple of empty chairs.

  ‘I don’t suppose we’ll see much of those lovebirds for the rest of the evening,’ Gladys remarked. ‘Have you spotted anyone nice?’

  ‘Not yet, but give me a chance.’ Sarah made a face. ‘Rob’s
here, though. I was half hoping he wouldn’t turn up.’

  Gladys laughed. ‘Poor fellow; I almost feel sorry for him. He has no chance with you at all.’

  ‘I’d rather not talk about him. What about you? Do you have your eye on anyone in particular yet?’

  Gladys leaned closer. ‘Well, there is that new lad in the Drawing Office. I was hoping your Martin might make the introduction. Here, what’s that punch like?’ Sarah handed her the glass and Gladys took a sip. ‘Whoa! That’s potent stuff, that is.’ She sprang up. ‘Do you want another one? You might as well as I’m going up.’

  ‘No, thanks, I need to pace myself,’ Sarah replied and watched Gladys disappear through the crowd.

  Minutes later, there was a tap on her shoulder, and she looked up to see Ruth smiling down at her, Martin close behind.

  ‘Gladys has just gone to get drinks,’ Sarah shouted up to her.

  ‘I’ll help her. Anyone want one?’ Ruth asked. Sarah and Martin shook their heads.

  Martin sat down beside Sarah. ‘Is it always this manic?’ she asked.

  He looked around. ‘Actually, I’ve seen it worse, and it’s early yet.’

  The band finished another song just as the two girls returned. Martin hopped up to let Ruth sit down, and Sarah shifted to let Gladys share her seat.

  The next song was announced. ‘Oh, my favourite!’ Gladys jumped straight back up again.

  Sarah didn’t recognise the tune. ‘What is it?’

  ‘It’s so much fun. “The Blackout Stroll”. Come on, dance with me, Sarah, you’ll soon get the hang of it. When they switch off the lights, you have to grab another partner in the dark. You never know who you will end up with. It’s a great laugh. Quick!’

  Martin grinned at Sarah as he took her glass. ‘Go on,’ he said. ‘And try to keep out of trouble.’

  Sarah and Gladys lined up behind the other couples as the singer stepped up to the microphone. They moved off, arm-in-arm, swaying to the gentle beat, but after about a minute and a half, the lights went out. This was met by squeals and shrieks of laughter. Sarah felt Gladys move away from her and then her arm was grabbed. Seconds later, the lights came back up.